STATS FROM A RECENT STUDY:
**19% of parents in the United States have lost a child, any age, any cause.
**Causes of a child's death: miscarriage (43%), illness (27%), accidents (13%), stillbirths (11%), undetermined (5%), SIDS (4%), suicide (3%) and murder (2%). (Note: percentages may be slightly off due to multiple deaths in one family.)
** Most helpful to grieving parents are: family (66%), clergy (12%), friends (11%), books (2%), support groups (2%) and therapists (2%).
** Age of child at time of death: 30% are less than 1 year old, 30% are over 30 years old and the rest fall in between, the largest category being 17% between 22-30 years old.

         

        WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A BEREAVED PARENT:
"She's in a better place."
"At least she isn't suffering."
"God never gives you more than you can bear."
"This too shall pass."
"You must stay strong for your other children."
"You have to go on, life is for the living."
"Try to think positive."
"You have to snap out of it."
"Get over it."
"I know how you feel. My dog died last year."
"There are people who are worse off than you are."
"I understand."
"Crying won't bring him back."
"It's too sad to even talk about."
"Time will heal your hurt."
"Aren't you over it yet."
"At least you have another child."
"You can have more children."
"Why don't you get a God to help you through."

                   WHAT YOU SHOULD TRY TO DO TO HELP
Remember her/him to the parents.
Let the parents talk if they want to.
Send a card or note.
Give a gift certificate to a restaurant.
Give hugs.
Cry with the bereaved parent.
Not giving a response is okay. Just be there for them.
Praying for the parents or child that was lost is comforting.
Offer to help them with daily tasks when visiting.
Light a candle at holidays.
Attend a memorial service or encourage parents to have one for the child.
Plant a tree in the child's name or give to a charity in the child's name.
Take the parent to lunch.
Encourage parent to start a scholarship.
Write a poem for the parents.
Always acknowledge the child's birthday.
Accept that the parents are different.
Respect their grieving time.
Make sure the parents take care of themselves physically.
Help when possible with the siblings.
Encourage person to seek a support group if right for them.
Write a memory down or thought about the child for the parent and bring over when visiting.
Just say, "I'm sorry."